Title: The Five Love Languages of Children
Author: Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
Pages: 212
Finished: October 4, 2019
Summary: Gary Chapman, along with colleague Ross Campbell, outline the 5 Love Languages Chapman came up with and discuss how they exhibit in kids, how parents can use them to fill their kids' love tanks, and disucsses how this affects things such as anger, dicipline, etc.
Thoughts: This book... We'll start with the good. The idea of the five love languages is an attractive one. I can say right now, I feel way more loved when my husband sets up the coffee maker for me before he leaves for work, or when he decorates the house for a holiday than I do when he gives me hugs and kisses. Basically, I can go through the five languages of love and see how I prefer one to the other.
So with this book, the authors discuss how our children also tend to gravitate more towards one language than the other four, and if you "speak their language", you'll help fill their emotional love tank which will help them be more stable.
It sounds good. And the idea that unconditionally loving your child will help them be more regulated isn't a new one. I don't even have a lot of issues with the idea of categorizing different ways of expressing love. It's very helpful to see examples of the ways love can be expressed in ways that aren't useful for me personally, but could be for my child.
But I had some big issues with this book.
1) It's super religious. Like, instead of referencing any sort of studies that could potentially further their claims, the authors cite bible passages. Once the bible citations started, I noticed there was a definite more conservative Christian bent to the book. Wives were more likely to be home. Some discussions about kids that honestly didn't seem healthy even as the book is claiming to be about your child's emotional health. How teens having sex is a way of disobeying their parents and eing passive-aggressive. After doing some research, I realized Dr. Gary Chapman's doctorate is in philosophy. He's a marriage counselor, but none of his degrees are in counseling. He's also a pastor at a Baptist Church. Dr. Ross Campbell was harder to find information on, but he seems to be an actually psychiatrist. However, he's also SUPER religious and it really shows.
With decent critical thinking skills, it's possible to pull out decent information from the book, but the lack of studies and the constant leaning on the bible and other bits of Christianity made me question a lot about this book.
2) A lot of their stories about people discovering their kids' love languages sounded like things you'd read on r/thathappened. Yes, some of it was likely true, but they all felt embellished to be the best they possibly could. Perhaps I'm being cynical, but really, it was interesting.
Like any parenting book, there is some decent information in here. However, I don't know that I'd necessarily recommend it to someone unless I knew they had the critical reading skills to read it. The religion could be a huge turn off to non-believers, to people of other religions, and to Christians who just don't believe what the authors believe. I also think it really reads a little fear-mongery. I didn't get scared. Mostly I was able to look at my own behaviours towards my child and say, "Yeah, we can do better here." But I can see some... many parents could read this and go, "Yep. I'm the worst parent ever. I don't have time for any of this."
TL:DR Some good ideas buried under a lot of padding and religion meant to tug on heartstrings.
So with this book, the authors discuss how our children also tend to gravitate more towards one language than the other four, and if you "speak their language", you'll help fill their emotional love tank which will help them be more stable.
It sounds good. And the idea that unconditionally loving your child will help them be more regulated isn't a new one. I don't even have a lot of issues with the idea of categorizing different ways of expressing love. It's very helpful to see examples of the ways love can be expressed in ways that aren't useful for me personally, but could be for my child.
But I had some big issues with this book.
1) It's super religious. Like, instead of referencing any sort of studies that could potentially further their claims, the authors cite bible passages. Once the bible citations started, I noticed there was a definite more conservative Christian bent to the book. Wives were more likely to be home. Some discussions about kids that honestly didn't seem healthy even as the book is claiming to be about your child's emotional health. How teens having sex is a way of disobeying their parents and eing passive-aggressive. After doing some research, I realized Dr. Gary Chapman's doctorate is in philosophy. He's a marriage counselor, but none of his degrees are in counseling. He's also a pastor at a Baptist Church. Dr. Ross Campbell was harder to find information on, but he seems to be an actually psychiatrist. However, he's also SUPER religious and it really shows.
With decent critical thinking skills, it's possible to pull out decent information from the book, but the lack of studies and the constant leaning on the bible and other bits of Christianity made me question a lot about this book.
2) A lot of their stories about people discovering their kids' love languages sounded like things you'd read on r/thathappened. Yes, some of it was likely true, but they all felt embellished to be the best they possibly could. Perhaps I'm being cynical, but really, it was interesting.
Like any parenting book, there is some decent information in here. However, I don't know that I'd necessarily recommend it to someone unless I knew they had the critical reading skills to read it. The religion could be a huge turn off to non-believers, to people of other religions, and to Christians who just don't believe what the authors believe. I also think it really reads a little fear-mongery. I didn't get scared. Mostly I was able to look at my own behaviours towards my child and say, "Yeah, we can do better here." But I can see some... many parents could read this and go, "Yep. I'm the worst parent ever. I don't have time for any of this."
TL:DR Some good ideas buried under a lot of padding and religion meant to tug on heartstrings.
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